As I was walking to the bus stop, I started to reflect on what happened, did I just get raped, was it my fault, what did I do wrong. When I got home, I took a long hot bath, that was the end of my holiday. I was withdrawn the rest of the time I spent wiv my cousins, they just thot I was missing my man. I thot why bother going to the police, I’m not even in my own country and the scandal, what would my parents say, so I didn’t tell anyone. He used a condom (I was like, if he used a condom is it still rape), I was too confused.
When I got home, between tears I told my man he comforted me and told me everything would be fine, I was so grateful for having him. I couldn’t stand anyone touching me for the first couple of months, my man helped me through it all, after a while the trauma started fading and it just seemed like a nightmare.
I talked to some people about the rape issue and it was crazy some of the responses I got, I would usually say, oh I heard about this on T.V. or I read this somewhere, I’m sorry guys but a lot of you are sons of b******. Someone told me he couldn’t touch his girlfriend if she was raped, another said what trauma, she’ll get over it, she wasn’t a virgin, was she, another said it would probably just be like rough sex, the point is that noone got it, they all thought as long as she wasn’t a virgin and it was just one guy, therefore it wasn’t serious, some people even said maybe she was asking for it. I was like WOW, is this what people really think, it was really sad.
My man made me realize I was raped and convinced me to stop blaming myself, he said it was not my fault and after a while I started believing him, I’m so grateful he was in my life back then. Its sad how people don’t take this issue seriously in naij, some mothers would even blame their child when they are raped when they need comfort and reassurance. The incident actually made me a stronger person, we all have trauma in our lives, some worse than others, we shouldn’t let it break us down, we should learn and grow from it.
Next post will be cheerful, scouts’ honour.
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35 comments:
It's so nice for me to have found this blog of yours, it's so interesting. I sure hope and wish that you take courage enough to pay me a visit in my PALAVROSSAVRVS REX!, and plus get some surprise. My blog is also so cool!
Feel free off course to comment as you wish and remember: don't take it wrong, don't think that this visitation I make is a matter of more audiences for my own blogg. No. It's a matter of making universal, realy universal, all this question of bloggs, all the essential causes that bring us all together.
I think it's to UNITE MANKIND that we became bloggers! Don't see language as an obstacle but as a challenge and think for a minute if I and the rest of the world are not expecting something like a broad cumplicity. Remenber that pictures talk also. Open your heart and come along!!!!!
lol.. who be Joshua... did you by any chance read what she blogged about??? funny guy you are...
Pscyko barbi... e mi o le soro ohhh... but i feel you could have stopped him from doing what he did, when he was wearing a condom, why did you not run... why did you not puch him and leave... i still do not understand sha.. but since its in the past now... its all good
i ain't no sons of what???
I'm sorry for what you went through. I'm glad you realise that it was not your fault.
Anu boy...=you are one of thos people that just doesnt get it.
@ LGL... when i was reading the blog, i tried to picture all what i was reading, or maybe she did not give the full details of what really went down, the only threat he made according to what i read was he would put her clothes into water.. now comeon, if i told a girl that she would rather choose to run out naked than go thru with that...
its not like i do not believe oh, its just that from what i read, she had the chance to leave.... okay pls explain, how a guy manages to wrap a condom round his dick and while he is doing this she did not think it was wise to run...
@psykco babe... no vex for me, but i am wondering why you chose to go with it instead of wearing wet clothes home...
anyhow... i am sorry sha, i hope other girls will learn from this.
anu i didnt choose to go with it, nyways its all good, i no dey vex cus u weren't there, i couldn't put in all the details cus it would have been too long, he made a lot of threats including calling all his guys to gang rape me and then i was petrified, if i could have escaped i would have, i didnt have a chance to leave, i blamed myself for a long time until i realised there was nothing i could have done, but its cool if you dont get it, nobody wants to get raped dear, its degrading. i would have run out of there naked if i could, i left there almost naked nyway cus my clothes were ripped (i put up a fight). when he was putting it on, he held me down, men are stronger than women u know.
@littlegirllost, thank you girl, its not his fault he doesnt get it, most people dont.thats why i never told anyone except my ex.
you lucky you are not my sister... i would kill a man, if he trys shit with my blood...
i thot as much that you did not give full details, anyways its all good now
put it behind you and move on with life...
the niggas prick no go ever funstion proper again... the dude na 9ja guy ni???
lol @ anu, d shit is behind me now, the guy is a naij boy, thats one of the reasons i felt comfortable, still got trust issues with guys tho, maybe thats why i cant find a man, lawl.
Sounds like you had a great boyfriend then,many guys would have shied away and actually blamed you for what happened.Hopefully you can learn to trust again.
May the idiotic guy gets his comeuppance
oh my goodness!girl i am so sorry this happened to you!!i am so sorry this actually happened to you..hope u are okay now!i think you should have reported him..cos the guy would think he got away with it and may do it to someone else..well who am i to say u sud have reported i didnt report the guy who nearly raped me too like 3 yrs ago!it ALMOST happened to me to in my uni days by some guy i know...and i really felt dirty tho the guy didnt get into me..he was still groping at my breasts and i had to fight to get him off!THANK GOD I DID
a guy raped my friend and she was a virgin at age 23!and the guy goes abt telling people that she is useless and he has slept with her!imagine
many guys are major dickheads!y rape someone..there are so many prostitutes out there why dont u get one and fuck her brains out instead of forcing someone.another thing i have noticed is that pple treat the victim like dirt..for pete sake you were RAPED..it wasnt ur fault..pple would say" shebi she wasnt a virgin,so it doesnt matter" or "maybe it was the way she was dressed"...no matter how scandalous a grl dresses it shoudnt warrant rape!a rapist will rape you whether or not u are dresses like a whore or a nun..a rapist wants to rape a woman,he doesnt care how she is dressed..abt thos that rape little babies..were the babies scandalously dressed?
one thing i have realised is that most pple are raped by pple they know and trust!pple they do not expect will do this to them..and later wen they see the guy in public he will smile at them like"i know u know,wat went down,but you cannot report me"
It doesnt take a monster to rape a girl...any normal 'decent' guy could rape!pls if a girl says no..she means no!if u are not sure pls ask her..if she starts struggling with you..she doesnt want to have SEX with u...PLS PLS RAPE IS HORRIBLE.
GIRL I AM GONNA PUT MY COMMENT ON MY PAGE AND LINK UR POST!
@ classy babe, yea, i did have a great man, and Amen.
@ pink satin, thank you, i wish i had reported him when i look back in retrospect, i just hope he didnt do it to anyone else and if he did, he got punished for it, i agree with everything you said and thanks
sister... you can find trust im me mehn... nothing do you jare
so sorry to hear this has happened to you
I am sorry that this happened to you but I think you have handled it the right way. Instead of being a victim, you are still standing, still fighting.
I am glad you have put it behind you.
@ anu boy: psycho barbi... lol. you're a joker.
@psykotik: I know exactly what you mean. Pink-satin has pretty much said everything there is to say. Anu boy, you'll be shocked just how common it is in Nigeria. If i were you, i'd ask your sister to be sure. A lot of times, girls don't say anything because its too embarrassing. I've never been raped, but i have had close encounters as a child. Once my father caught the house help pulling up my skirt when i sleeping in the living room.
You grow up and you are wiser. I know i will fight till i die, if a guy tried to rape me. And if he does succeed, the next time i see him, i'll be swinging a baseball bat at his nuts.
I'm glad you had great support back then. Lets be vigilant for our girls people. its a serious issue.
Hey dearie! came here from Pink-Satin's blog. Sorry about what happened. It must have taken a lot of courage to spill it. I had a similar experience once. maybe i will find the courage to blog about it oneday.
Nice blog btwx, feel free to pop into mine.
We truly have gone through our own share of trauma...me inclusive...but we learn to be strong and live. But it is time our parent open their eyes to the reality of what is happening and stop putting the blames on us the victims...
Stay Strong Girlfriend...
first, u should thank God for the man in ur life, 'cos like u said most of them are sons of bitches, he might just leave u and say the same thing that d other fools said "you wanted him"
but for real, bcos someone is not a virgin means she deserves to be raped?
I swear to God, person wey talk dat near me, na slap I go download on his face
It's hard to talk about it, but u should, just get it off your mind
trust me, it's one of those things that one can NEVER EVER forget, but talk to someone...well u did already
it helps alot
I am so sorry about ur experience, and I hope none of us pass tru it again...it takes alot of courage for u to write something like this, for readers out there, even most of dem u don't know...like me
if i have to write something like this, or similar, my blog will be private...I don't have that kind of courage yet
but to that guy, I pray teh wrath of God be upon him till he dies
someone say AMEN
AMEN!
I'll be back
I wrote a poem about rape too on my blog, I just had to write it...d poem was longer than that but I cut it short, bcos...well bcos
lol
http://factorchic.blogspot.com/2007/05/poor-thing_29.html
see wetin Anu boy talk
I watched a movie, d girl got raped, d guy wore a condom too
ppl con dey talk why she no push him off when he dey wear d condom
Anu Boy, I hope u get raped someday..then u know what it is...ppl just don't have a clue...ohh he don comment again sef
kposhi kposhi
about d trust thing...girl we dey d same shoes abeg
thanks for your comments everyone, if my blog wasnt private i wouldnt have the courage to write about this. thanx again
no one can understand it unless they've been in the same position, it is a terrible thing to find you really cant trust men. i had a friend in school who was almost raped by a friend whose father is a chief judge or somethingtakes and the guy was like a serious spiro o. i personaly, have been in a position where a 'friend' jumped me. even though he stopped when he relised i really ment NO, i saw how difficult it was for him.
lets just say ive put myself in that position again.
hope u are fine now.
one more thing-
why do guys think it is really worse when a guy gets raped. it really isnt. the invasion is always terrible.
oops, meant to say ive never put my self in that position again
HEY bloggers,we are still kicking it on blogville idol ..this is the 2nd to the last session and we have 5 contestants left!pls go to our page and listen the contestants via the voice comment player and vote for ur favorite..pls dont forget to leave us a comment ..tanx PINKPEKE PRODUCTION
hey girl i linked ur post on my page!
I can imagine what it was like for you cos I know.You keep blaming yourself for a long time until you realise it really wasn't your fault. An army officer tried it on me once & even though he didn't suceed at the end-i somehow managed to get away-I still felt really dirty.I blogged about it once.My cousin also started molesting me when I was just about eight and it went on for a long time and I couldn't tell anyone.I hated myself growing up. I hated myself with a passion but God finaly did heal me. And today I'm a much more sound person.
We all have our stories don't we? It makes us stronger at the end of the day.
I'm glad you're over it.I'm glad you can talk about it.We all should. Lets expose em.
@sparkle...
ol girl, na fight ni.... wont i say whats on my mind... if you read my comments properly, i meantioned maybe she did not give the details, cos.... wo take ya time ohhh... and no be me them go rape... who wan rape me? tunDAH fire that ur curse...
lol... Psyko babe... no mind them, you know i de ur back 100%
wow... this is becoming scary.. now it seems out of every 5 girls, 2 out of them have gone thru such b4...
what???
to all the girls that have been thru such... i pray you girls find the peace in ur mind and in ur life and may GOD wash away the ugly memory stains marked in ur mind.... i love you girls... nothing do you
Came over from Pink satins..so sorry about this... I hope you have gotten over it completely... Take care and God bless..
Why is it that men believe ...I am sorry this happend to you and I am glad u have peace now.......I had a near rape experience not too long ago..a former boss came in to town..and i needed to send something to my former colleague at the office so i went to see him....fast forward we are in his hotel room and he starts talking thrash and tries to grab me and he is chasing me around the room...begging me....it was disguisting.... to cut the long story short..i ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there for a while..... when i came out he tried to hug me and throw me on the bed..at that point i said i was leaving....this man is an E.D in a bank and he isnt even nigerian...but a chain smoking idiot with 2 wivies....the most unvbelievable part was that he asked if i can come back later in the evening wen the guests he was expecting had gone..can u imagine...
Nigerians being nigerians...when i told some of my friends my experience..the next thing they told me is wat did i go there for.....hello???to drop a package for someone..........
Being a woman is one of the hardest things ever....God help all women!!!
The scariest shit in most rape cases are that the rapist can be ur broda....u neva know...i think that every girl should 'discuss' rape with thier brovas,uncle,cousins and friends...hopefully if it give them something to think abt.......
hery sorry for barging in on such a sensitive topic!i left a comment earlier tho(pink-satin)
hey pple,blogville idol is finally coming to an end...we have two contestants left and they have sung their songs,pls go to out page and listen to them via our voice player and vote for them on d vote poll..pls leave us a comment too...tank u for ur support thru out the contest
..hey girl, i hope and am glad you have moved passed this..
..this guy sounds like someone i know, (cos he used the same lyrics)
..anyway i fought back, wet clothes ko wet clothes ni, i whopped the guys ass, you kno naija guys dont kno how to fight when they are hard..wink!
..let me give you my mum's best advice, never give it up without a fight, even if you are scared shitless.
i got raped too. its scary how many women i know have been.
so many men out there are evil... makes me wonder whether they do not have mothers or sisters.
i often wonder what happens when these rapists get married... do they not wonder if someone will rape their daughters too?
you see in such situations u never go wrong with pepper sprays and a minder alarm...ladies these weapons were made for our protection...and its not illegal to carry them..atleast the last time i checked it wasnt....
first time here.. from Pink Satin, so sorry u went thru that... so angry that so many people are going through these type of things.. it makes me livid...
I'm in tears reading this, its amazing how many people have been raped and shrugged it off. It baffles me that you are no longer in a relationship with this guy that helped you through that difficult period. As for Joshua, he is obviously a self publicist, and has not read the blog.
Inspiring that you can move on in life.
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