Hey everyone, been MIA because that last post got me kinda weak, so I spaced out for a bit, but I’m back. Was watching pride and prejudice today and all I could think bout was how the hell do they have sex being that they are all proper and shit, she’ll probably go, (using the Victorian British accent) oh Mr. Darcy, do give it to me a tad bit harder than you were just now, lawl, okay that was a random thought.
Back to the topic, do you guys notice how a lot of people in naij have a chip on their shoulder, I went out today and I had to pop into some office, since I was in a hurry, I didn’t park too well but I made sure not to block anyone in. When I got out and was about to get into my car, I heard a guy screaming at me (apparently he was the security man) why did you park like this ehn, if our oga sees this one now, you people sef, the guy was screaming ready to rain insults on my head. I then calmly replied, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was wrong to park this way, the guy was so obviously taken aback, it was laughable, he had geared up for a shouting match.
I think it’s just a way for some people to feel powerful, a lot of people do it. You go to an office and the receptionist is especially rude to you, you go in a shop and you’re looking around and the shop girls are like eyeing you cause they think you’re wasting their time, you’re talking to some guy and some girl comes up to him without acknowledging you the list goes on and on. They say Nigerians are one of the happiest people in the world, but most of them are rude and obnoxious for the most part. I think its cause most people are frustrated and they just keep it all inside, u know how everyone wants to seem perfect, like I know this woman who told my mum her husband hasn’t touched her in two years, now that has got to be highly frustrating. People should just go get therapy, what you think.
Random rant- I saw dream girls for the first time today (whateva, I know everyone else in the world has seen it), every time I have to say no, I sing no, no, no, no way, I’m trying to feel like Jennifer Hudson.
Who saw the BET awards, I think ciara has gmynorexia, she’s so thin, muscular and she’s got no boobs, It was not a pretty sight to me. Ciao y’all.
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Saturday, 23 June 2007
THE RAPE (concluding part)
As I was walking to the bus stop, I started to reflect on what happened, did I just get raped, was it my fault, what did I do wrong. When I got home, I took a long hot bath, that was the end of my holiday. I was withdrawn the rest of the time I spent wiv my cousins, they just thot I was missing my man. I thot why bother going to the police, I’m not even in my own country and the scandal, what would my parents say, so I didn’t tell anyone. He used a condom (I was like, if he used a condom is it still rape), I was too confused.
When I got home, between tears I told my man he comforted me and told me everything would be fine, I was so grateful for having him. I couldn’t stand anyone touching me for the first couple of months, my man helped me through it all, after a while the trauma started fading and it just seemed like a nightmare.
I talked to some people about the rape issue and it was crazy some of the responses I got, I would usually say, oh I heard about this on T.V. or I read this somewhere, I’m sorry guys but a lot of you are sons of b******. Someone told me he couldn’t touch his girlfriend if she was raped, another said what trauma, she’ll get over it, she wasn’t a virgin, was she, another said it would probably just be like rough sex, the point is that noone got it, they all thought as long as she wasn’t a virgin and it was just one guy, therefore it wasn’t serious, some people even said maybe she was asking for it. I was like WOW, is this what people really think, it was really sad.
My man made me realize I was raped and convinced me to stop blaming myself, he said it was not my fault and after a while I started believing him, I’m so grateful he was in my life back then. Its sad how people don’t take this issue seriously in naij, some mothers would even blame their child when they are raped when they need comfort and reassurance. The incident actually made me a stronger person, we all have trauma in our lives, some worse than others, we shouldn’t let it break us down, we should learn and grow from it.
Next post will be cheerful, scouts’ honour.
When I got home, between tears I told my man he comforted me and told me everything would be fine, I was so grateful for having him. I couldn’t stand anyone touching me for the first couple of months, my man helped me through it all, after a while the trauma started fading and it just seemed like a nightmare.
I talked to some people about the rape issue and it was crazy some of the responses I got, I would usually say, oh I heard about this on T.V. or I read this somewhere, I’m sorry guys but a lot of you are sons of b******. Someone told me he couldn’t touch his girlfriend if she was raped, another said what trauma, she’ll get over it, she wasn’t a virgin, was she, another said it would probably just be like rough sex, the point is that noone got it, they all thought as long as she wasn’t a virgin and it was just one guy, therefore it wasn’t serious, some people even said maybe she was asking for it. I was like WOW, is this what people really think, it was really sad.
My man made me realize I was raped and convinced me to stop blaming myself, he said it was not my fault and after a while I started believing him, I’m so grateful he was in my life back then. Its sad how people don’t take this issue seriously in naij, some mothers would even blame their child when they are raped when they need comfort and reassurance. The incident actually made me a stronger person, we all have trauma in our lives, some worse than others, we shouldn’t let it break us down, we should learn and grow from it.
Next post will be cheerful, scouts’ honour.
Friday, 22 June 2007
THE RAPE
This is really hard for me to write cause it brings back memories I have tried hard to put behind me, but I guess this is a form of therapy so here goes.
It was one of those summer holidays and this one was especially long cause my uni was on strike as is customary to naij unis, I couldn’t wait to get out of the country for a well deserved vacation. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was going to the states and I was on my way to London, I was so sad, I wouldn’t get to see him for two whole months but my consolation was that we would talk on the phone almost everyday, with that note we kissed and said our goodbyes. I was looking forward to a great summer, I had no idea it was one I would never forget.
It all started one day when I met up wiv some friends, they brought along a guy that they go to school with and we all went out to see a movie. After the movie, the guy asked for my number and I gave it to him, we started talking on the phone and I made it clear to him that I had a boyfriend and all we would be were friends and he seemed alright with that. We met up a few times and everything was all good and we became friends.
One day, I met him at the station near his house, we were off to see a movie, and then he suddenly remembered that he left his wallet at home and he had to go get it and I was like okay let’s go. When we got to his house he proceeded to show me around his crib, as he was showing me his room, I sat on the bed and started looking at pictures. He started kissing me and I told him to stop, he didn’t listen, I started to push him off and he started to grip me harder, I began to shout and scream, he forced me on my back, I started to beg, he told me he knew I wanted him and I should stop fronting, I started to cry and beg, he told me to shut up or he’ll dump my clothes in water. That’s when it happened, I never experienced such pain, I felt so helpless, I just closed my eyes, sobbing and praying for everything to be over. He got off me and I got dressed, as I was leaving he tried to kiss me, I cried all the way home.
To be continued……………………………
It was one of those summer holidays and this one was especially long cause my uni was on strike as is customary to naij unis, I couldn’t wait to get out of the country for a well deserved vacation. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was going to the states and I was on my way to London, I was so sad, I wouldn’t get to see him for two whole months but my consolation was that we would talk on the phone almost everyday, with that note we kissed and said our goodbyes. I was looking forward to a great summer, I had no idea it was one I would never forget.
It all started one day when I met up wiv some friends, they brought along a guy that they go to school with and we all went out to see a movie. After the movie, the guy asked for my number and I gave it to him, we started talking on the phone and I made it clear to him that I had a boyfriend and all we would be were friends and he seemed alright with that. We met up a few times and everything was all good and we became friends.
One day, I met him at the station near his house, we were off to see a movie, and then he suddenly remembered that he left his wallet at home and he had to go get it and I was like okay let’s go. When we got to his house he proceeded to show me around his crib, as he was showing me his room, I sat on the bed and started looking at pictures. He started kissing me and I told him to stop, he didn’t listen, I started to push him off and he started to grip me harder, I began to shout and scream, he forced me on my back, I started to beg, he told me he knew I wanted him and I should stop fronting, I started to cry and beg, he told me to shut up or he’ll dump my clothes in water. That’s when it happened, I never experienced such pain, I felt so helpless, I just closed my eyes, sobbing and praying for everything to be over. He got off me and I got dressed, as I was leaving he tried to kiss me, I cried all the way home.
To be continued……………………………
Thursday, 21 June 2007
7 THINGS
There’s this 60 question thingie going around but I don’t think I wanna do that cause its too damn long and I don’t think anyone would be inclined to go through it being that I’ not a blogiwood celeb lol,so I’m just gonna do the 7 things you don’t know bout me.
1. I wash my hands like a 100 times a day, I have this obsession about cleanliness and I usually find myself tidying up everywhere I go.
2. I can’t sleep on the same bed with a girl, be it a single, double or quadruple bed, I blame my mum, she never let me go for sleepovers when I was younger. It’s so bad that whenever anyone of my friends has to sleep over I usually sleep on the couch (they all say I’m a closet lesbian and I’m scared of what I might do to them, lol).
3. I have a very bad temper but I’m very patient, does that make sense. I don’t get angry that easily, I usually let things slide but if you piss me off, well, let me just say it aint a pretty site.
4. I would rather buy a pair of shoes than buy food (its sad, I know).
5. I’m addicted to exercise but I could never diet, the thought of eating only healthy food scares me, I’d rather spend the extra 30 minutes on the treadmill (besides eating healthy is more expensive).
6. I love Sundays since I get to do anything I want, its “me” day and no one can take it away from me, plus I get to sleep late (no morning jog, no church).
7. When I was younger, I thought I would grow up and save the world, end world hunger, and stuff, I try to help the needy, I’m still working up to saving the world.
CONFESSION TIME
Okay, I'm sure evryone will be happy to know I told my girl, it went okay by all standards, the girl is really sensitive and really insecure bout her body, she's really skinny and therefore lacking in some areas and she always gets really upset when anyone says anything bout it, most times you have to tiptoe around her when it comes to issues like this. This is how it went.
Psykotik: girl wasup, whats been going on wiv you
Friend: nothing really, Oh, I called that guy and we've started talking now
Psykotik: thats cool, speaking about Mr Hot, did I tell you he was sending me texts and he called me once or twice,(she's looking at me funny)
it was nothing really, I think he was just trying to be friendly.
Friend: na wa for you this man magnet, remind me never to take you when I'm man hunting and I aint introducing you to my next boyfriend until we are goin strong.(she's laughing)
Psykotik: (still feeling a little tension in the air) you got jokes, it wasn't like that, nyways he has stopped contacting me, so its all good.
Friend: hmmm, whatever. so about that thing (she starts talking bout something else)
So, I'm guessing it went well, after the conversation we said goodbye and we didn't speak about it. I'm hoping she gets over being upset, its funny how my friends think getting a man would be really easy for me, they all go you have all the assets,lol, then why haven't I found someone who would sweep me off my feet and make me forget the EX.
Psykotik: girl wasup, whats been going on wiv you
Friend: nothing really, Oh, I called that guy and we've started talking now
Psykotik: thats cool, speaking about Mr Hot, did I tell you he was sending me texts and he called me once or twice,(she's looking at me funny)
it was nothing really, I think he was just trying to be friendly.
Friend: na wa for you this man magnet, remind me never to take you when I'm man hunting and I aint introducing you to my next boyfriend until we are goin strong.(she's laughing)
Psykotik: (still feeling a little tension in the air) you got jokes, it wasn't like that, nyways he has stopped contacting me, so its all good.
Friend: hmmm, whatever. so about that thing (she starts talking bout something else)
So, I'm guessing it went well, after the conversation we said goodbye and we didn't speak about it. I'm hoping she gets over being upset, its funny how my friends think getting a man would be really easy for me, they all go you have all the assets,lol, then why haven't I found someone who would sweep me off my feet and make me forget the EX.
Saturday, 16 June 2007
WHAT???
I just had to write this down, na wa for these people we call men. Some days ago, I and a friend went to see some guy I know, as we were sitting in my car, my friend was going on to the guy about how she doesn't have a boyfriend and doesn't he have any friends he can hook her up with. As he was explaining to her that all his friends are either married, engaged or in serious relationships his younger brothers friend passed by, he called the guy and introduced us, as a GOOD FRIEND I kept quiet and let him talk to my friend (even tho the guy was really cute), I was talking to my friend and we were feeling like cupid cause they seemed to hit it off, the guy got our numbers and left.
That is how the guy started sending me texts, I actually thought nothing of it at first, then I saw my friend and asked her about the guy, she was like she hasn't heard from the guy yet. I really dont understand what is happening ooo, is the guy trying to hit on me? should I tell my friend whats happening? I dont know ooo. She asked if she should call the guy, I told her to wait till next week and then send a text if he hasn't called. I'm waiting to see what happens next...............to be continued
That is how the guy started sending me texts, I actually thought nothing of it at first, then I saw my friend and asked her about the guy, she was like she hasn't heard from the guy yet. I really dont understand what is happening ooo, is the guy trying to hit on me? should I tell my friend whats happening? I dont know ooo. She asked if she should call the guy, I told her to wait till next week and then send a text if he hasn't called. I'm waiting to see what happens next...............to be continued
Friday, 15 June 2007
THE STALKER (PART 1)
There’s this guy who has been stalking me for about 3 years now, according to him, he’s in love. His philosophy is that “there are no impossibilities in life, just difficulties”, that’s all good and dandy but if you haven’t gotten some in 3 years, it doesn’t look like you’ll be getting any, ever.
It all started when I started when I got into my second year of uni, I was a direct entry student, so I went straight to second year, he was one of the first people that came to talk to me, so I got to know him and his friends. I’m a really nice person so in no time I was talking to half of the class, but this guy took my friendliness to mean something else, I quickly cleared the air and told him I was in a serious relationship, I thought that was the end of that, but it was only the beginning. The nigga started harassing me with text messages, sending me airtime (which I always sent back), believe me, I tried everything, I was nice, nasty, reasonable, nothing worked, I decided to let him tire himself out.
Just when I thought I was off the hook cus he started harassing a friend of mine in another department, then, the craziest thing happened. My friend gave him a piece of her mind, she did things that I wouldn’t have the heart to do, like embarrass the boy in public and things of the sort, you wouldn’t believe what happened, the guy sent me a text saying he knows I was the one that put my friend up to treating him like that, in general he was saying I wanted him, Oh my days, I couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy.
Since then, I don’t pick his calls, if only I could block his texts, I see him in class and I say hi (cus I’m so nice) but it stops there. I honestly think he’s psycho, I can bet if he could get away with it, he’ll probably kidnap me and lock me up in a basement somewhere, lol. Believe me, there are more than enough stories surrounding the stalker but it can’t all fit into one post, so we’ll get back to him later, that’s all folks.
It all started when I started when I got into my second year of uni, I was a direct entry student, so I went straight to second year, he was one of the first people that came to talk to me, so I got to know him and his friends. I’m a really nice person so in no time I was talking to half of the class, but this guy took my friendliness to mean something else, I quickly cleared the air and told him I was in a serious relationship, I thought that was the end of that, but it was only the beginning. The nigga started harassing me with text messages, sending me airtime (which I always sent back), believe me, I tried everything, I was nice, nasty, reasonable, nothing worked, I decided to let him tire himself out.
Just when I thought I was off the hook cus he started harassing a friend of mine in another department, then, the craziest thing happened. My friend gave him a piece of her mind, she did things that I wouldn’t have the heart to do, like embarrass the boy in public and things of the sort, you wouldn’t believe what happened, the guy sent me a text saying he knows I was the one that put my friend up to treating him like that, in general he was saying I wanted him, Oh my days, I couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy.
Since then, I don’t pick his calls, if only I could block his texts, I see him in class and I say hi (cus I’m so nice) but it stops there. I honestly think he’s psycho, I can bet if he could get away with it, he’ll probably kidnap me and lock me up in a basement somewhere, lol. Believe me, there are more than enough stories surrounding the stalker but it can’t all fit into one post, so we’ll get back to him later, that’s all folks.
Monday, 11 June 2007
GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS ,GIRLS
Ever since I can remember, I was always one of the guys, all my best friends were male, I enjoyed the company of the opposite sex. I just thought girls had too much drama, so I never got really close to them. In high school, I had some female friends and it didn’t end well, so that experience convinced me even more that I couldn’t be a girly girl. Its not like I’m a tomboy or anything like that, I just wasn’t feeling the whole backstabbing thing and other things females get up to. I have girlfriends I talk to and hang out with but we just aint that close.
I met some girls in uni and we sorta fell into this clique thing and next thing I know they were becoming like my best friends and I threw all my notions away thinking they were childish and what not. We had tons of fun together, we went through the good, bad and the ugly. Then all of a sudden before you could say destinys child, the group started disbanding, miss A decided to stop talking to everybody except miss B, it was so unbelievable, not even hi. At first I thot it was PMS, then I was like maybe she’s mad cus miss C hooked her up with some guy who was treating her bad, but what did I have to do with that. I eventually started saying hi and I asked her if she was okay, she just went of course I’m okay, what are you talking about, miss C didn’t even try and thot the babe should go fuck herself, miss B was even a bigger bitch cus she pretended like nothing was going on, it was just a messed up scene.
I couldn’t believe what was happening, so all my notions were correct, this was just the tip of the iceberg, outsiders started telling me what miss A and miss B were saying about me behind my back, what the hell did I do to these girls, I cant give all the details but it all just made me sad. Miss C is still my friend, I still talk to miss B (lip service), and I’m cordial to miss A. Why do girls do this to each other, why do we have to breed jealousy and hatred from petty things, I think I’m done with the best friends thing, I have female friends but I aint putting them close to my heart.
I met some girls in uni and we sorta fell into this clique thing and next thing I know they were becoming like my best friends and I threw all my notions away thinking they were childish and what not. We had tons of fun together, we went through the good, bad and the ugly. Then all of a sudden before you could say destinys child, the group started disbanding, miss A decided to stop talking to everybody except miss B, it was so unbelievable, not even hi. At first I thot it was PMS, then I was like maybe she’s mad cus miss C hooked her up with some guy who was treating her bad, but what did I have to do with that. I eventually started saying hi and I asked her if she was okay, she just went of course I’m okay, what are you talking about, miss C didn’t even try and thot the babe should go fuck herself, miss B was even a bigger bitch cus she pretended like nothing was going on, it was just a messed up scene.
I couldn’t believe what was happening, so all my notions were correct, this was just the tip of the iceberg, outsiders started telling me what miss A and miss B were saying about me behind my back, what the hell did I do to these girls, I cant give all the details but it all just made me sad. Miss C is still my friend, I still talk to miss B (lip service), and I’m cordial to miss A. Why do girls do this to each other, why do we have to breed jealousy and hatred from petty things, I think I’m done with the best friends thing, I have female friends but I aint putting them close to my heart.
Sunday, 10 June 2007
THE BEGINNING OR IS IT THE END
I’m not a troubled girl, believe me, in fact, if you met me, you’d think I was one of the happiest people in the world. 8 months ago, my world came crashing down, the love of my life left me, this may seem trivial to you but to me it was like my world had just crumbled. I went from child to adult with this person, he was my first everything, I went to him for everything, he was part of me, he was the most important thing in my life after God and family, and it all came crashing down one day. We had been having problems for about a year and after a while, he just couldn’t do it anymore, he felt you shouldn’t have to work so hard to be happy. I cried, no wailed for days, weeks, and months and that’s when the trouble really started. I didn’t think it would be too hard to move on, when I had a man I had so many guys chasing after me, it was crazy, but now those men were nowhere to be found, it’s not like I haven’t had toasters but they are few, far between and not ideal. My self confidence has taken a nose dive, I don’t look at myself in the mirror anymore cause I hate what I see, its funny cause I used to think I was as hot as beyonce but my mind doesn’t work like that anymore. Everyone says I’m so independent, they wish they could be as self sufficient as I am, but I’m not independent, I need someone o tell me I’m beautiful, someone to tell me they care and they would always be there for me, someone to tell me they love me, just someone who would ask me how I’m doing and really care about my answer. It just hasn’t been my year, I realized a few things about life and people, I lost a few friends but that will be in my next post. Ciao.
HELLO BLOGWORLD
Hey, I happened on the the wonderful world of blogging and decided maybe this is what I need right now, a place where I can say what I’m really feeling and really express myself (and its cheaper than therapy). Truth be told, I’ve been having some major emotional saga and I think I’m still traumatized, due to the fact that I can’t function as well as I used to, funny thing is I’ve perfected the act of portraying total control, I actually convince myself sometimes. I’m a really private person, so my friends never really know what goes on in my head, I hate showing weakness, so I’m always the perfect one with no problems and everyone just wishes they were as strong as I am, if only they knew I was bursting at the seams. Don’t get it twisted, I aint suicidal or anything like that but I’m human and I get depressed and when there’s no one to talk to, it escalates and that’s when you start thinking of stupid things you can do to numb the pain. In the light of keeping my post short, I’ll write about what got me like this in the next post, it all really started 8 months ago (still feels like yesterday though).
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